i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
