in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
