He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
