Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm both gender and math confused
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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