i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
