you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
