She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My life is pants optional.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize