Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
