My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
