I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
