Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
