pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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