I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
