I'm going to jail i love you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i now understand why vodka
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
