you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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