dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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