when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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