Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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