you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
