youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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