I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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