physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
