My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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