Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
