Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
