I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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