I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
