Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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