I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
