I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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