at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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