ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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