hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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