you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
