guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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