He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize