HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
