FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
