Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
