I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
