Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
