we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
