im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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