Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize