I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
