I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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