Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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