Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
