I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
