i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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