"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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