she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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