considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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