that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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