she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
