I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
