dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The uberlube is also flammable
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
