I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
